|(All of these have been sewn but need sewing or wig improvements.)|
1.Lacus Clyne – Gundam Seed
2.Maria – Silent Hill
3.Mireille – Noir
4.Magnet Luca – Vocaloid
5.Hiro – Big Hero 6 (With Lily)
6.Secret Disney Cosplay
8.Elsa – Frozen
9.Serah Farron – FFXIII
10.Serah Summoner Garb – FFXIII-2
11.Summoner Yuna - FFX
12.Gunner Yuna – FFX-2
13.Thief Rikku – FFX-2
14.Music Festival Venus Mcflytrap – Monster High
15.Daenerys – Game Of Thrones
17.Exo-Chika – Aural Vampire
18.Misa Amane – Death Nothe
19.Elie – Rave Master
20.Fem Gray – Fairy Tail
21.Lara Croft – Tomb Raider
22. Fem Tin Tin - Tin Tin
23. Fem Laxus - Fairy Tail
24. Fem Alto - Macross Frontier
25. Sheryl Nome - Macross Frontier
26. Nana Osaki - NANA
I was laying in bed in the early morning hours when I started to remember somethings and came to this realization. I remember why I became depressed. I remember finding out I was sick around the age of five or six. I shouldn’t remember that and honestly I didn’t until now. I was thinking about something that led to something which led to me trying to go as far back as I could to remembering when I started being depressed. I know why I am depressed now. It’s my health and always has been. I mean not just as in it’s a health disorder but I mean I knew I was sick before I even knew what to have a disease meant. I knew I was different and that I didn’t have normal behavior. I wanted to do things, that I struggle with still as a adult but to do them as a kid which only makes me assume that there’s a chance I was actually born sick.. Certain things especially mental illness, you really wouldn’t be able to predict plus I grew up in a time where no one knew anything about mental illness or health in general besides, say doctors.
I won’t remember this when I wake up. I’ll forget all my thoughts from the night before, I always do…it’s what got me into doing journals. This is important though as for years I thought everything started when I was eight but now I remember it being much younger. It frightens me a bit. Now I remember, I was trying to think to myself what is really the reason I got suicidal in the first place and why I feel unhappy and it is due to my health but then I tried to remember the very first time I remember feeling off and I can remember roughly that age because I remember the scenarios in which my mind went funny. I remember just thinking to myself “okay that’s not normal why do I feel like hurting some one or myself suddenly” and I didn’t quite know why at the time but now I do. I’m never in the best environments, weather it’s at home, when I worked, school, relationships and because I am unstable, to be around toxic people is very bad for me. If I’m around nice people I’m fine but you get jerks sometimes and they bring out the worse in me.
For the most part, I’ve removed myself from a lot of this but there is still a good chunk of it I have to deal with…and there goes those headaches I haven’t had in a long time. Also I’ve been having thoughts of relapsing on somethings I noticed but so far I’ve been good. Having my love to talk to has been what’s been saving me from that. I did see the psychiatrist the other day who suggested I keep with my vitamin things but go back on the lowest dose of just one of my meds, so I’ve started that today. My mood has just been extremely low lately and I struggle everyday to even get out of bed. I basically get up because I know my parents will worry if I don’t and same with my partner.
This feels weird, I haven’t been up at 3 am journaling in this manner since I think maybe two three years ago before my mom found out there was anything wrong with me.
This made me wonder too, how many young, like really young kids, know they are sick but don’t really know what sick means till they are older. I didn’t even know what depression really was till I was maybe 17, I just knew it as something that made you sad all the time not the chemistry of it and such and the preventative measures and the different kinds.
Now I wait for someone to tell me I`m just whining.
I stopped writing, now my mind is completely blank and I know what I`m doing here but it`s like `why am I on the comp.” but at least now I can know by going back and reading this journal entry.
I feel like I'll be okay though. I have someone taking care of me for the days when I don't have the strength anymore to do it myself.
I try to remember too every little bit of encouragement I get.
My mind feels at peace now.
Diseases that have no cure but keep you living are the worst. I need to lay down again before I get stress vomit.
♠Ashe C.-K. E.-A.♠
Nick Name: ACE
Married to: Softmeer ~♥
This androgynous asexual was born in London, England but grew up and resides in Canada. Coming from a mainly European and Asian mix family they enjoy learning new languages and are fluent in French and English. Ashe is a freelance designer, artist and model with a love for cosplay. They have been sewing subculture clothing for twelve years and cosplay costumes for ten. Ashe has sewn over fifty costumes with plans to do more in the near future as well as create their own subculture clothing line. This artist has learned their skills through College but mostly by trial and error always working to the best of their ability. Ashe has a knack for learning anything new weather it’s in or outside their field and is always willing to listen. They are also an advocate for physical and mental health, the environment and over all respect and equality for all.
Emilie Autumn, Gandhi, Koda Kumi, Tyra Banks, Grace Jones, La Carmina, Ellen DeGeneres, Aural Vampire, Matthew Good, and Hiro Mashima are just some of the people that inspire me.
PTSD, Bi-Polar, OCD (extremely bad in the germaphobe way),Severe Depression, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Hormone Issues, Chronic Ashtma, Adrenal Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and a Hypothalamus Disorder.
But I'm still awesome and can't use these as an excuse to be rude. ^.^ I send hugs to those going through similar things.
*You can message or comment to me in English, French or Brazilian Portuguese if it is easier for you. (I can only take commission orders in English though.)
[[Commissions are closed till my health improves.]]
*BTW how I look in cosplay is not the real me. I have tons of make up, wigs, contacts, and other effects for the photos. It's not natural. XD Just so you know because I think too many people think cosplay and fashion photos are all natural. Don't believe such lies! D:
My fashion and fun blog:
|-Don't leave a crap tone of links or I will hide your comment.|
-Don't tell me to check out your gallery because if I really want to I'll do it on my own terms.
-Also I'm not a fan of most cosplayers/artists as I find most to be very selfish and snobby. I appreciate your work but don't try to cram it down my throat.
-I rarely do collaborations. No matter how good or well known you are; I have to get to know you on a personal level first. I won't support even the most professional of people if they're an asshole of a human being.
-I don't work for free unless it's for a charity I really believe in and have a full knowledge of.